Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
COCAINE IS GR8
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
