She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
