everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
