I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What drink are we having for lunch?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
