i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
