i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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