meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
