I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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