Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
