3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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