I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
