Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
