I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
