I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
