I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize