i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I could make wine with my vomit
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
