I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Boobs are out for the taking
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize