Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
