I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
