nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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