sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
