i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
