dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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