i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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