did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
