Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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