he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Couch. On fire.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
