I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Panties = found
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
