eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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