Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
