some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize