If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
