I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
