She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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