Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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