So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
