i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
