He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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