do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
