3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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