you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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