It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
