You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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