i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you traded sex for a burrito?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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