Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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