She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
