All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
