Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
