It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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