just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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