Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i think i just lost a toe
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
