you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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