Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
