i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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