Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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