You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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