and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
