whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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