Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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