Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
