she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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