I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
