We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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